If I Cannot Move Heaven
by yurikablack
Summary: - After the events of CoLS - Jace is free from Sebastian, but something weird is happening. He can't hate Sebastian the way he wants to, he still feels a strange connection to the boy with the black eyes. On his way to discover the leftovers of the bound Jace has to find a way to destroy Sebastian. But will he be able to? [ Boys Love & Implied Sex! ] Any corrections are welcomed!
1. Chapter I

CHAPTER I

Jace sat at one of the old oak desks in the library of the New York institute. He has been awake the whole night, even if the still felt weakened by the wounds Glorious hat left on him together with the heavenly fire that still seemed to burn him from within.

He sighed. What was wrong with him? So long he wanted to get rid of this curse, that second self Sebastian laid upon him. But now that he finally was free, was himself again, he felt terrible. It wasn't just the physical pain of being stabbed, it was the feeling of something missing. But no, no way, he would never admit it. He had to finish this, had to wipe out this parasite in his brain completely.

„If I cannot move heaven", Jace thought of the words on Sebastian's bracelet „I will raise hell"

There was no way Jace could let this happen. He had to do something about this demon haunting not just his mind but basically the whole world.

The books were highly stacked on the table, spellbooks about summoning, but every spell Jace would find may have made the whole endarkened army and probably a whole bunch of other demons appear. They were all Lilith's children. He thought about Magnus and if he might have known a spell, but Magnus wouldn't help him, not now whith the break-up with Alec only a few days before.

The next book he took made Jace curious. And yes, finally he found something useful. The book was old, very old, with a dark red leather binding. He wondered why it was in English when every book that old he had seen before was in Latin. The spells described could make someone appear, only by using something belonging to the one you wanted to appear.

Jace copied the page as fast as he could and went straight to his room. He actually had a lot of Sebeastian's stuff from the time he lived with him. The first thing coming to his mind was a shirt Sebastian gave him when all of Jace' were dirty and bloody. He took it out of the closet. It still had the smell of Sebastian's appartment on it. Jace thought how it wasn't an unpleasent smell, he had to admit. It smelled like clean cotton and expansive wine and cold air. Jace felt a tear run down his cheek. What the hell had that mad boy done to his brain? _This is nothing i could ever tell anyone,_ Jace thought, _I have to deal with this alone._

The city was bright even when the sun had set long ago. Jace wandered around, looking for a place that could possibly be right for summoning the most dangerous, lunatic boy in the entire world. New York was full of Shadowhunters and Downworlders who he might have endangered if he was careless, choosing a place to perform the spell.

His phone rang, at least the fifteenth time today. He had texted Clary that he didn't feel good and needed some time alone but she didn't stop calling nevertheless.

He made his way to Queens, maybe the part of the city that was the least filled with magical creatures. He walked even if he knew it took a long time walking there. He thought he could use the time to think about what to say to Sebastian and what it was that made him feel so torn apart inside. He hated it, but he couldn't change it. Of course the image of Sebastian's face made him angry and anxious but there was something more to it. Something that had nothing to do with disgust or hate. He knew how lonely Sebastian really was, he knew that the boy with the white hair and the black eyes actually thought that everything he did was right, that it made sense. Jace swallowed. He just couldn't bring himself to hate Sebastian, not the way the others could. He wanted it so badly though. Sebastian hat killed Max, had turned Armatis and many other helpless Shadowhunters, had messed with his brain and worse, had messed with Clary.

Jace felt like the worst person in the world. _How_ , he asked himself, _how could i not hate something so destructive and evil?_ But he knew. He had been bound to that person. He knew his deepest fears and desires. He could see behind what was the demon in his blood. He saw the boy that he once was supposed to be and, like he had many times before, Jace wondered not just if there was a way to defeat him, but to save this boy, to save Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern.

When he arrived at the park he had thought of, it was dark. Far from the lights of the city, some street lights were not working. He thought about it for a second, then pulled out his witchlight. Everybody was asleep, he didn't have to worry. He took out the page he copied and a piece of chalk and started to draw on the grass, which actually worked quite well to his surprise.

He put the shirt into the circle of runes he has drawn and set it on fire. It was so cold in the park, that even the heat from the small flames seemed to radiate. They felt weak to Jace who was wearing nothing but a tanktop. He had the heavely fire in his veins, a heat stronger than anything he ever felt.

He watched the fire rising than lowering while whispering the spell, the fabric of the shirt crumbling until it was nothing left but ashes, the fire gone. Jace waited in slience. Nothing happened, the spell hadn't worked. He looked at the burned ground and the circle of chalk. He had been so sure. Then suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder from behind.

„Oh, how could you burn my gifts? This wasn't cheap you know."

Jace whirled around.


	2. Chapter II

CHAPTER II

There he stood. Sebastian Morgenstern, smirking at him with a look of pure satisfaction on his face.

„What is it, Jace?" he asked „Why did you try to summon me to this dark, secret place"

„I... I thought it didn't work" Jace said, regretting it the next moment. He had planned so well what he was about to say. But Sebastian directly in front of his face made him shiver a little. His white hair almost seemed to glow in the darkness of the park, while his dark eyes where like black holes, absorbing any source of light surrounding it.

„Oh, It didn't" Sebastian said, the evil smile still on his face „I'm not a demon, Jonathan, I'm a Shadowhunter, I'm just like you." The last words where almost nothing but a whispering

„I came here because it wanted to. I mean I have still Lilith's blood in my veins and i felt it when you tried to use this cheap spell to get me here. I actually really dislike you burning my clothes. I thought they meant something to you, but on the other hand, you seem to miss me quite a bit"

„Don't act like that's the reason I summoned you. I want answers." Jace snapped „And even more than this, I want you dead"

Sebastian laughed. It was a high laugh, almost not human, and definitely triumphant.

„Don't give me this." he said, still laughing. „You may think so now but really, you missed me."

Then, to Jace' astonishment, he hugged him, running his fingers down his spine, brushing Jace' cheeks with his own. Again the smell of clean cotton filled the air, but there was an undertone of blood giving the smell a very sinister side to it.

And once again, Jace' felt terrible. This time his shock and despair mixed with something like relief or the feeling of finding a long lost object under your bed that you once really loved.

„Don't... Sebastian" he gasped as the evil grin sunk into his shoulders and the grip tightened around him. It didn't feel harmful but almost loving, but Jace knew that that's what makes a good lure. Still, at this very moment Jace realized that he could never hate Sebastian, not the way he so much wanted to. There still was some kind of bound, some kind of weird emotions that no one could ever understand. Without noticing he had pulled his arms around Sebastian, burying one hand in his shiny silver hair.

„What are you doing to me?" Jace whispered whith a desperate voice.

Sebastian raised his head off the other boy's shoulder and looked him directly into the eyes, his look now strangely serious.

„You know i didn't to anything to you. Not since my sister stabbed you with the sword, Not since you have the heavenly fire burning in you. What you feel now, are your feelings, your own personal mind is what makes you feel like that. I know we still have a connection but this is nothing i forced upon you."

„Why should I believe you? I know you strengh, your will, your fanatism. You could do anything like this if you wanted to!" Jace' voice got louder as he spoke, Sebastian aprubtly took a step away from him.

„Are you really this stupid? Do you really think I could do anything to you when you have the angelic power running through your veins."

„But.." Jace couldn't say anything more.

„This is how you feel Jace" Sebastian smiled again, just slightly.

Again he put his arms around him, making Jace stiffen.

„I hate you." he said under gritted teeth „I hate you so much"

He heard Sebastian chuckle into his shoulder.

„ No, you don't" he said, so close to his ear, Jace could feel the warmth of his breath.

„You love me, the same melancholic way I always loved you. A ruining love, a disasterous one. But you love me, from deep on the inside. And I will make it rise."

After he had spoken the last word he put up his head from Jace' shoulder, tightened the grip around him and kissed him.

Jace's eyes widened, he was unabled to move. And then he felt a million things at once. Despair, hate, passion, relief and all the other things flung up on him and he couldn't do anything but standing there in Sebastian's embrace as the world around them seemed to blurr and darken even a little more.

He still felt Sebastian's lips on his own even after they had left. The burn of them that even the heavenly fire didn't stop. Jace lost conciousness. Everything was just a blurry mess of white lights and black darkness.

When he woke up, he didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to know where he was, didn't want to deal with the shame of what he had done, of his own emotions. But he couldn't escape the rest of his senses. He felt a soft thick blanket on his body, making him sweat and comfortably warm at the same time. And then there was this smell. This familiar smell of cotton and whine and yes, blood.


	3. Chapter III

CHAPTER III

The room was huge. A loft, the bed on which Jace was now sitting, stood in the center of it. The beddings were ruffled but expensive-looking. This wasn't Sebastian's appartment. Of course not. Clary had destroyed it on their last time out. It smelled the same way though. A constant reminder of its resident. There were paintings on the wall and a giant piano stood a few foot beside him. _Weird_ , Jace thought, _that's so untypical._

A half wall devided the kitchen, in which Jace saw the back of Sebastian's head. He was topless, wearing expensive, black sweatpants. His skin was so white, it almost blended in with his hair. It gave him a shiver, but he couldn't help but staring, even if he knew that wasn't what he was supposed to think about right now.

What should he do? He had no idea where he was, neither if Sebastian would let him go by any chance. Escaping wasn't possible. Sebastian wouldn't hurt him, so far he knew, but of course he had to go home.

Then he remembered why he summoned Sebastian at all. Not just for answers (which, thinking back now, he probably shouldn't have wanted in the first place), but also to kill him, whatever it costs. At least he knew where Sebastian was now, even if he had to be with him constantly to make sure he wouldn't attack the Institute.

Sebastian turned around looking at him, a grin on his face, but this time it looked less sinister than the night before.

„Slept well, huh?" he said „It's almost twelve". Jace stared at him with disbelief

„Where the hell am I?" he asked „And why are you making coffee?"

Sebastian gave him a look as if the question was nothing he'd ever expect in this situation.

„Maybe I wanted coffee?" He said „And we're in Gothenburg actually, I'm staying here when I don't have to be somewhere else. The interior is everything but perfect but it's the best I could get"

„By the Angel, Sweden?" Jace jumped up and ran to the window. And yes, the was no doubt, it looked exactly like Helen Blackthorn had described it after her visit last year.

A little too much green to look like a big city and a mix of arcitecture from a lot of different decades. Also, Jace noticed that they were high, very high above the ground.

„Why here?" he asked out of sudden curiousity.

„It is so peaceful." said Sebastian walking towards him to take a look outside the glass-front wall. Jace' face wore an expression of pure surprise.

„You? Peaceful?" he asked, and if the situation would have been any different, he would be laughing out loud by now.

Sebastian glared at him.

„Only because I'm bringing a war, doesn't mean that I dislike peace. War is necessary. Something that needs to be done to make the world a better place. I will go through this and then, I will rule in peace."

Jace was confused. He had seen Sebastian be a lot of things, most of all mad and greedy and childish. But not this. The worst of all was that it didn't make Jace like him more, but kind of betrayed by his own memories.

„You've changed." he shortly noticed, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

„Nahh" Sebastian said, the mature look that had been on his face until now disappeared „I just needed a place to escape. And this is here and this is with you." he said with a slight smile. „I'm really happy you summoned my last night, well, at least you tried" he flung himself onto a big, anthracite colored couch.

„Why me? And why did you bring me here when you're practically planning war against us?" Jace got more and more confused with every of Sebastian's sentences.

„The reason why I chose you is pretty obvious, isn't it? Last night was the last thing to prove you are the right one. I took you here because I'm bored and I hate being alone." He took a long gulp of coffee. „Also you might not be a threat as long as you're here. Our realtionship might be complicated but I can't risk you forget what I am to you"

„What you are to me?" Jace almost laughed „You are so to say my archnemesis!" he stood directly in front of Sebastian who smiled amused looking up to Jace. He grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to him until their faces were only a few inches away from each other.

„Your not." Sebastian said in low voice „You're my star-crossed lover." and pulled Jace closer, so he lost his balance and fell onto Sebastian who sarted kissing him again, this time more passionately than the night before.

And Again Jace couldn't move. He could just let it happen, but his rage seemed to vanish slightly. All the things he felt last night minimized to three very well connected emotions. Hate, passion, and even if he tried to bury the thought of it as far in the back of his head as he could, there was a slight hint of what could only be considered love.

Jace gave in and let himself fall in Sebastian's arm. It was like his body didn't really connect to his mind. Like he saw it happening from outside, but it was clearly his body. He held his hands at the side of Sebastian's neck while Sebastian buried his hands in Jace' golden hair. The heavenly fire seemed to rise within Jace but never really touching the surface.

When Sebastian finally pulled away from him, it was there again, the sinister smile streching over the curve of his wet lips and his black eyes.

„I told you." he said, his voice in an impish tone „We belong to each other."

Jace rolled over next to Sebastian on the couch. He covered his eyes with his lower arm, shame crawling upon him. What hat he done? Again? He thought of Clary and the Lightwoods. He had just made out with probably the most dangerous and evil person on the planet. What had rid him to do that? Twice?

Sebastian had picked up his mug from the coffeetable and was now watching Jace.

„Hey" he said, almost worried „Are you alright?"

„Of course I'm not!" Jace glared at him. „How could I have done this?"

„Well it quite seemed like you enjoyed youself." Sebastian grinned, his white hair fell into his face.

„Shut up!" Jace demanded, backing off a little more.

„Fine!" Sebastian held up his hands in a defense. „I suppose you should get dressed, I'm going to take a shower."

On his way to the half open bathroom of the loft, Sebastian turned his head over his shoulder and grinned at Jace who still stared at him with distatse in his eyes.

„We're going out."


End file.
